Stupid

Yesterday we met with the onc, Dr A..

C. will be starting the 2nd course of the phase 2 chemo this Friday. We meet with the onc a day or two before to review the last treatment, to address side effects, ask questions.

Our last session wasn’t with Dr A., but was possibly the worst doctor in Victoria: Dr S. I don’t know where he got his degree, but he should consider remedial studies. During the consultation (he was 1/2hr late) he spent most of his time hanging onto the door knob as he tried to bolt. He couldn’t answer the simplest of questions and his examination of C. amount to him waving his fingers in her general direction. What a fucking hamburger head.

Anyway, that a side, our experience has been pretty positive one from the treatment point of view.

Dr A. had the usual questions about how C. felt and reacted to the last treatment — numbness in toes and fingers, hair loss (what hair?), fatigue, nausea, etc.. We had questions about what next –radiation, then surgery or vice-versa, questions about why radiation if surgery gets it all, and so on.

C. piped up and said, “Look if I’m going to live to be a hundred, what the best course of action –double mastectomy, radiation, …what?”

Dr A. shifted uncomfortably in her seat and flipped thru her file folder. I started to feel a tad uneasy… C. stared at her. Silence….then:

“Ah, well there are numbers…. clinically there is a greater than 30% chance of the cancer reoccurring, after all the treatments including surgery, within 10 years. And around a 30% chance the dying from this cancer within 10 years.”

Sucker gut punch.

Really, after all this shit, how these numbers have somehow never made it to us in any straight-forward meaningful way? Pretty sure the double-digit percent chances of re-occurrence have never been stated before…kinda-woulda remembered that. I started adding 10 years onto our lives (48, 58, 13, 16). Not so hot considering those percentages are up to 10 years, not at the 10 year mark.

More questions. Dr A. emphasized that these were ballpark, clinical numbers –they could go up or down depending on the pathological results –based on the examination of the tissue removed during the mastectomy.
Other numbers: 1% chance of the cancer reoccurring in the other breast (if not removed) per year. So 10% in 10 years, 40% in 40 years, etc..

The thing about life, once you figure you’ve got a plan or even an inkling of how things will roll, it’ll smack you upside the head.